


Fool Uploads Old Kink Drabble for bro, News at 11

by Distracteddiddlin



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: And I am Not out of either of those things yet, I am here to do two things:, Omorashi, Other, Premature Ejaculation, Shoe Kink, Tease gary and make fun of jack, Wetting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2020-01-31 10:16:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18589219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distracteddiddlin/pseuds/Distracteddiddlin
Summary: oh, you know





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [garydactyl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/garydactyl/gifts).



"Well come on buttercup, don't keep me waiting."

You stopped, in the middle of stripping, to stare at him

" _Buttercup?_ "

".......Cream puff?" He offered as an alternative after silence continued to drag out between the two of you. 

If it wasn't Jack, you could almost swear there was a hint of meekness there. You continued to stare at him as he grew more agitated.

"Just! _**Come on, honeybun and get on with it!**_ ” He squawked indignantly, his foot tapping impatiently as he waited.

His eyes widened in minor surprise as you walked over to him, pressing back into his chair. “Yeah no I'm not doing _anything_ more until you think up a better petname". 

He groaned loudly in frustration, glaring at you. "J- COME ON-...... my...... cinnamon bagel?" 

"No." 

"Cheesebiscuit." 

"No." 

"Apple pie." 

"... _Are you fucking reading a cookbook or what?_ " 

"............My little juggaloaf." 

"We're done here." You turned away, putting your clothes back on as you headed for the door. "Catch you on the flipside Ja-" 

"WAIT!" 

The door slammed down in front of you, refusing to let you by. You glanced over your shoulder. Jack was on his feet, hand frantically pressed down on a button, mild panic on his face before he noticed you were looking at him. He cleared his throat as he sat back down, acting like he didn't lose composure 

"I.... mean.. _who said you could leave?_ " 

"Godawful petnames were _not_ in the agreement". 

He waved his hand noncomittally "Psh mouthbreathers like you don't know how to appreciate true romance" 

"...Then why are you wasting true romance _on_ a mouthbreather?" 

He paused "Because.... I'm just _that_ charitable I want to give you a taste of what you will never ever _ever_ in your sad, short life experience again" 

"I don't want your charity, buh-bye."

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME SEDUCE YOU!" He shouted, losing his calm and collected facade again. 

You stared as he sat there fuming. "And, might I add, you are doing a stellar job of it right now-" 

"Shut. Up." He leaned back in his chair with a groan of frustration, rubbing annoyedly at his forehead. 

You rolled your eyes and walked over, taking a seat on his desk. He sat like that a few minutes more, mumbling insults to himself under his breath as you stared at him. Finally you spoke up again. "You done yet?"

His eyes snapped open as he stared at you. ".........Why are you on my desk." 

"...Because the other chairs don't move over here?" 

”You're getting it dirty-" 

" _Like you really give a shit about that._ " You leaned back a little, putting both feet on either side of the erection he'd been brandishing all day that had just barely begun to soften, and he stuttered a little, quieting down. "Are you gonna shut up and let yourself get fucked now?"

"........ _ **I'm**_ the one supposed to be doing the fucking here-"

" **We _both_** know how full of shit you are douche, can we just get on with this now?"

He opened and closed his mouth several times in indignation, looking awkwardly like an angry goldfish. He started another indignant reply, but was cut short when you pressed your shoe against his crotch, whimpering pathetically and bucking slightly against it.

"What was that?" You teased, smiling innocently back as he glared up at you. You continued teasing at his erection with your foot, making him buck into it if he wanted any real friction. "Big bad Jack having to hump a shoe to get off? _Tsk tsk_ , now that's just _sad._ "

He groaned louder, gritting his teeth and gripping the arms of his chair until his knuckles went white. "Mrre." He mumbled, looking away.

"What was that, _sweetheart?_ "

"........ _Morrrrrrree._ " He whined as you pushed, slightly firmer.

"More _what?_ "

He glared up at you. "You can't be fucking serious."

"Says the man getting off on my shoe."

He paused for a minute, hoping his glare and quiet seething would persuade you, before quietly mumbling. "Moreplease."

"I _**guess**_ that'll have to do..." You cut off his grumbling by grinding your heel gently into his crotch.

He thrust up against you for a few minutes more, leaning up out of his chair against your foot before grumbling to _just **touch** him_. "Hmmm..." You hummed to yourself a moment "If you really want that... I think you're going to have to do it yourself."

He groaned and glanced up at you, the expression on his face screaming ‘ _are you shitting me right now?_ ’ as you slowly took your foot off his erection and put it on his leg again. 

"You heard me." You teased, grazing the sides of his crotch with both shoes, smirking at him as he gasped quietly.

He hesitantly reached for his fly, wanting to wait in the hopes you'd at least do this for him, but also antsy about just _getting off_ already. He let out a small whimper as he unzipped, biting his lip with an overly-happy sigh as he shifted in his chair and brought out his throbbing cock. 

You grinned at the sight of pre-cum wetting the tip, as he clenched absently at himself.

He twitched and shifted in his seat, glaring up at you but not making a move. 

"Well?" You taunted "I'm sure you have plenty of experience with what to do here."

He _growled_ , frowning intently at you as his ears and neck glowed bright red, his hand slowly and firmly beginning to move after another minute.

You reached down and absently began fingering yourself as he swore quietly to himself and at you, and at life in general, his hand moving faster as time dragged on. He let out an incomprehensible grumble as he quickened, something that sounded like it pertained to you.

"What was that?" You said, gently grazing his cock with your shoe, giggling to yourself as he hissed at the cold metal accent meeting his throbbing dick. 

" _Goddddd_." He hissed through his teeth " _Just- **touch ME!**_ "

"I dunno..." You teased further, fingering yourself harder. "You seem to be doing a good job on your own, besides I'm busy _enjoying the view_ ~."

"You **aaaaaaasshooole.** " He whimpered again, bucking slightly into his hand with loud sound of pleasure.

His hand continued to quicken, moaning and groaning louder in pleasure as he kept going, bucking more into his own hand as you touched yourself. He panted, his movements growing sloppier as he grew dangerously close to release. " _Mnng **GLRE!**_ " He groaned loudly as he came, nearly standing up as he wildly bucked into his hand. He flopped back into his chair after a minute, gulping down breaths of air and smiling with an air of self-satisfaction. After a few minutes had passed, he grimaced a little when he looked down at his hands, wiping them off on a stack of unimportant (to him) papers on his desk, and leaned forward, resting his forehead on your knees with a sigh.

"When you're done resting..." You reached and started playing with his hair with a playful tug. "...We can move on to the _good_ part..." You smiled as he looked up at you, his eyebrows raised, but soon gave you a feral grin at you as you shifted to undress and remove your underwear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what kinda soul-selling deal do I gotta sign to regain the ability to write shit like " _Mnng **GLRE!**_ " because that shit is fucking _evocative_


	2. wait what do you mean there's more

Jack might be flushing under all that, but the mask makes it almost impossible to tell.

* * *

He had had you brought to his office with all the airs of being in trouble that a trip to the principal’s office did, but you knew better.

Jack glowered from behind his desk, his face set into a stony frown as he stared at you from behind the ludicrously expensive and garish piece of furniture he dared call his decor. ”I _don’t know_ why I expected anything better from bandit scum such as yourself.” He beckoned you to sit, waiting for you to do so before continuing. “You’ve been warned time and _time again_ to just _behave_ , but I guess it's just in your lower bandit nature.” He gestured to the long list in his hand. He could _easily_ have it on tablet, and scroll down your numerous offenses and still wave it in your face, but he liked the showmanship of wasting paper to print out your offenses purely for waving them in your face, before they were discarded right afterwards. “Littering. _Verbal_ littering. Obscenity. Reckless use of firearms. Assault. Assault with a deadly weapon. Assault with a non-deadly weapon. Assault with cutlery.”

Your eyes began to glaze over in boredom as he continued to read. 

“Animal unendangerment. Destruction of private property. Destruction of public property. Misuse of company assets. Slander. Libel. Slibel. Theft. I could go on, but I won’t. But I _could_.” He set the papers down, his steely gaze directed at you and _only_ you. “So _tell me_ , what do you have to say to all this?”

“Are we gonna fuck or what?”

He glowered at you, his hand coming to knead at the bridge of his nose. “I. Am. _Trying_. To set a _mood_ here.”

You scoffed. “Oh no. Is the big bad Jack gonna choke me out again? Jack the all-conquering hero gonna defeat the obscene bandit again?” You mocked, your arms crossing as you met his stare.

He grimaced at you, any pretense of dignity, or maturity, lost. “I _try_ to be nice to a dumbass bandit…”

“You interrupt me in the middle of _my_ day to take me to your _fucking_ office again just to berate me.”

He scoffed, looking all the more like a petulant child as he leaned back in his chair, head on his chin, as he looked away from you.

You scoffed again, and moved to sit on your favorite perch, the edge of his desk. You flipped him off as his eyes flicked to you, a disapproving frown on his face as he watched you sit. “God you’re such a selfish motherfucker.”

“I could have you killed,” he growled.

“But ya haven’t,” you pointed out.

He scowled, and went back to pouting.

You shrugged, swinging your foot as you leaned back, brushing against his thighs gently.

Jack sighed, shifting in his seat so his legs were no longer open so wide in his usual “check out my dick and balls, asshole” posture.

A smirk slowly grew on your face as you still swung your foot, with more obvious purpose, still brushing against his thighs.

His eyes flicked to meet yours for a second again, a quiet sigh the only acknowledgement of your touch as he continued to pout.

“But god are you fun to tease,” you teased, your shoe tracing up the seam of his pants and back down again as his legs fanned ever so slightly against it.

"Mmph," he grumbled, biting the inside of his cheek to cut back a breathless whimper.

You grinned victoriously down at him as the tip of your shoe brushed against his crotch, and he leaned up into it ever so slightly. Spurred on, you drew circles around the crotch of his pants, pressing down only hard enough to tease, rather than to satisfy.

The edges of his armrest pressed harshly against Jack's palm as he gripped at his seat, slowly losing his fight to remain implacable as you teased him.

A snort wormed its way out of you as you noticed how quickly he'd grown aroused, absently pushing himself up from his seat to press against your shoe. "How _cute_. I've barely done a thing," you mocked.

He scowled at you, his teeth grit as he remained silent, glaring at you to continue. A shuddered gasp surprised himself as you suddenly shoved your heel into his crotch, _grinding_ down against his erection.

You laughed, rocking your foot against him as he shuddered and rocked up out of his chair, not even bothering to hide your gleeful grin at how under your control he was.

He _moaned_ , wanton and obscene as you toyed with his hard-on with the heel of your shoe. His lip began to bleed as he ferociously bit at his lip to try and strangle back some, _any_ of the noises you were drawing out of him, out of some fucked up sense of pride.

You smirked and barely applied even a miniscule amount more of pressure, and he went rigid, his eyelids fluttering shut as a fullbody shudder ran down him, his thighs trapping your foot against his crotch. You watched in sheer bemusement as he was suddenly overtaken in orgasm, the tips of his ears going red when he finally began to come back around. "Ya doing alright there Jackie boy?"

He took several deep breaths, willing himself not to pant as he tried to regather both his wits and his dignity.

"That was fast," you taunted.

His stare bore right through you, his mismatched eyes two focused lasers of hate directed at you and only you in that moment. "I didn't wanna take up more of your _precious_ time," he snarled.

"So you didn't wanna even bother unzipping? That doesn't sound like a fun cleanup." Your foot brushed against his crotch again, relishing the gentle shudder of disgust that ran through him.

"This does _not_ leave my office, do I make myself clear?" He growled at you.

"Oh? So you've got a spare set of pants? Because otherwise that's gonna be a little difficult," you taunted, smirking at the glowering look he gave you. "Relax Jackie, never has before."

His face continued to burn in humiliation as he flushed deeply beneath the mask, the cooling mess that was his underthings sticking to him as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

You smirked widely as you eagerly took in the sight before you, your eyes noting one detail in particular. You gently kicked his knee to get his attention. "Were you not wearing underwear?"

Jack gave you a look that was equal amounts 'what the fuck' and 'what do _you_ think'.

You gestured at his crotch, where the fabric had darkened from his release, looking as if he'd leaked. "You look like you pissed yourself a little."

He growled in irritation, scowling at you and crossing his legs casually. "You're touched in the head, fuckin bandit…"

"Awwwwwwww," you cooed at him. "Did lil Jackie have too much to drink?" You teased, relishing how he squirmed in his seat. "Don't worry, happens to the best of us."

"You _would_ say that, filthy bandit," he hissed, staring daggers at you.

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You lowdown bandits wallow in filth every day on that lump of dirt. I bet you have lots of experience in wallowing in your own filth."

You stared back at him, anger flashing in your eyes, before you smirked, and leaned back on his desk with a smug grin. "Oh? And you don't? ...That's not what a certain claptrap unit told me a while back."

"...... _ **What**_?" He growled, seething in rage.

"A few years ago, this _poor little programmer_ couldn't get a moment's privacy _aaaaall_ day, and ended up wetting himself behind a plant in the middle of the hall. For starters."

It was hard to tell if he was red because of all-consuming anger, or complete mortification. His hands clenched at his armrests until his knuckles went white, his eyes staring holes in the floor.

"There's also that incident at Opportunity last week."

He jolted, suddenly shaken by your words. " _Where did you hear about that?_ "

You smirked wide enough to hurt, a chuckle escaping you. "If you're gonna go to the effort of killing all those engineers, you might wanna make sure you're that thorough with the _cameras_ too. Was real fun watching you pretend not to squirm, then suddenly show back up in wet clothes. The shots weren't the highest definition, but it was still kinda hard to miss that blush of yours…"

He positively _squirmed_ at your every word, curling in on himself as he frowned. " _That_... Is heresy," he hissed.

"I think the videos suggest otherwise, but what do I know?"

He sneered up at you. " _You'll never be able to prove it_."

"Do I have to?" You smiled eagerly down at him as you leaned forward. "I mean I was more than happy to just keep wavin' it in your face in private. But it almost sounds like to me you _want_ me to make it public. Is that what you want, Jackie? To have everyone on Pandora-- no, this _whole system_ to know you wet yourself?"

Jack's face was curled into a disgusted snarl, while his feet tapped frantically and nervously at the floor, his facial expressions and body posture at odds with each other. "You don’t have the _balls_.”

“Mmmmyou wanna bet on that Jackie? You didn’t exactly have the Hyperion Truth Network scrapped after the death of the host. Or-- Ooh! Remember how those vault hunters fucked up your advertisements for Opportunity? I bet they could do it again...”

Jack continued to scowl at you and squirm in his chair as he seethed. “You _wouldn’t_.”

You smirked. “But I _could_. But I’m also… what was it you said? ….“A fucking greedy piece of shit.” I think you said? So I much prefer keeping it between _just the two of us_ ….. for now...”

Jack made a noise that you realized later would be best described as “a feral cat in heat”, his bloodied lip caught in his teeth once more as he gave you a low-lidded stare.

You slid off the desk and crawled into his lap, relishing the shudder he gave as you reminded him about the state of his pants with your weight against his lap. “Did little Jackie like that?”

He gave you the barest hint of a smirk, and you felt his hands slide up underneath your shirt. “Oh you _fucking. Little. **Tease**_ ,” he growled.

“....And what are ya gonna do about it?” You teased.

Jack smirked wickedly, and you felt goosebumps trail up your spine as you heard the sound of fabric tearing, your shirt, which admittedly had seen some better days, tearing in two where his hands gripped at it. “ _Several_ things.”


	3. It's Piss, Folks

This was, quite officially, the worst day of Jack's life.

You'd think that the magnificent and oh-so humble badass that Jack was would have absolutely zero issue using a public restroom. You would also be completely, and utterly _wrong_. He could be at maximum physical capacity and be all set up at a urinal, or in a stall, but the _moment_ someone else entered the bathroom his bladder locked up tight, regardless of how badly he had to go.

He supposed it made sense though, I mean, what hero _hasn't_ had a fatal flaw or two? It was just sucktastic, however, that _his_ Achilles' heel was a shy bladder.

Jack grit his teeth as he anxiously tapped his foot, the first niggling sensations of needing to pee starting already.

But it wasn't just his shy bladder that made that day particularly awful, no. Some _genius_ , or particularly unhinged shadowy rival, had sent a claptrap unit after him, one that would both never shut up, or stop following him.

So it was safe to say Jack was having a _very bad time_ as he tried to ignore both his bladder _and_ the annoying claptrap.

He squinted at his screen as he looked through his code, his knees shifting against one another ever so slightly as the claptrap unit prattled on.

"-and then in my dream I realized I was late to give my presentation at the weaponized peace conference, but I wasn't moving at all. And when I finally got up there I realized I didn't have any pants on! Even though I can't even _wear_ pants! And then the spelling bee started and they wouldn't tell me what word I was supposed to spell. And then my disk tray popped open and everyone laughed at it-"

Jack added another bullet point to his mental list of 'Things he Would do to the Bastard that did this', as he also worked on his plot to become CEO. His hand went to adjust his waistband, his bladder already becoming more than a niggling worry in the back of his mind.

"-and _then_ I realized I really had to pee, you know that point where you feel really bloated? But the restroom was upstairs. So I tried to find an elevator, and no one would tell me where they were. And when I finally found one, it took _forever_ to come down. And then it stopped on _every_ floor and took forever. And when I got there, there was a giant line that took _ages_ to move. And when I finally got to the front of the line, I remembered I don't actually pee. And then-"

Jack bit the inside of his mouth. Of course _that_ was the part he couldn't filter out and ignore as background noise. As time passed, his thighs clenched together and he tried to mentally plot out his plan for relief.

Even the claptrap noticed his fidgeting, having finally stopped rambling about dreams, and instead opted to make random, irritating anecdotes or horrendous beatboxing attempts. "The nearest restroom on this floor is 1000 feet away, 5 doors down in hallway 23C!" It helpfully declared at an annoyingly loud tone.

Jack ignored the glances from his coworkers nearby, also ignoring the bot. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Prolonged holding of urine is detrimental to the health of your urinary system!" Continued the bot in an oddly sterilized tone.

As if to foolishly prove the claptrap wrong about his need, Jack got up and poured himself another cup of coffee, draining the cup oddly quickly as he buried himself in work and tried to further ignore the bot. It didn't take long for him to realize his mistake. It was as if he had poured the cup straight into his bladder. He had to resist the urge to bounce in his seat, his bladder eager to let him know just how full he was.

Jack decided to try and find a vacant restroom, before the bot loudly proclaimed more restroom directions or prattle off more health suggestions.

Jack pretended he wasn't being followed by a sub-four-foot pile of annoyance, talking ceaselessly as they followed him into the elevator. Luckily for Jack the elevator was empty save for them. Unluckily the bot seemed incapable of shutting up.

"Bet you can't guess what number between one and thirty-two thousand I'm thinking of!" Said the claptrap.

Jack was silent, flipping off the claptrap as he ignored them.

"Nope! It's not one, keep trying!"

Jack gestured at the bot again.

"It's not three either! You're not very good at this game, are you?"

Jack continued to ignore the bot, tapping his foot out of anxiety as the lift _slowly_ made its way to the chosen floor. His hand was shoved into his pocket, absolutely not holding himself as casually as he could to avoid having to cross his legs as his bladder gently throbbed.

Absolutely not.

He also didn't consider loosening his belt by a notch or two, the way it cut into his bladder feeling as if someone was pressing it. Certainly not.

Jack speed-walked out of the elevator the moment the doors opened, making a beeline for the restroom.

He was particularly familiar with many of the bathrooms in his workplace by now, but most _importantly_ which ones were most likely empty at what times. He was still right in the sweet spot right after this one was normally cleaned, and before most people went to use it again.

He was right, the restroom was blissfully empty save for himself.

And the annoying claptrap unit that followed on his heels.

"Scram," hissed Jack, knowing full well he needed _complete_ privacy for this.

"Nope! I have orders be at your side to help you in whatever you may need, no matter what! But _don't worry!_ I'm _NOT looking_. I _**promise!**_ " Chirped the bot, quite uselessly covering its optics with its clamp-like hands.

Jack valiantly pretended the claptrap unit didn't exist as he tried to pee. He gave a deep sigh as he closed his eyes and pretended he was alone, he was at home, come _on_ bladder, relax already. His bladder continued to send out desperate signals despite refusing to relax and release already. A couple drops eked out and he shivered, he was _so close_ to finally peeing. _Come on._

"Can't go, huh? How about some audio encouragement!" Said the bot.

Jack was yelling internally as he yelled out loud as well, his bladder locking up again. "Nonononononono! Do _not!_ "

"Nonsense! It's no trouble at all!" Said the claptrap unit, accessing his audio library.

Jack grit his teeth as the once silent bathroom was suddenly filled with nature sounds, that of a rainfall, before rapidly switching to a babbling brook, then a raging waterfall. None of these clips did anything to help his bladder relax, in fact all it did was make his need to pee so much worse. His bladder throbbed as he stood in front of the urinal a few minutes longer, taunted by how easy this would be if his bladder would just let go, and that claptrap would shut up. He was _right there,_ yet his bladder refused to relax and let go.

He briefly fantasized about pissing on the claptrap instead, expressing his rage and disgust and relieving himself at the same time. Alas this idea was dismissed because of course his bladder was still too shy to go, and also the very slight real possibility of electrocution if he did.

The inside of his cheek was bit raw as he finally gave up, his bladder still pulsing in desperation as he zipped up again.

"Changed your mind?" Asked the small bot, shutting off the sound effects.

He glared down at the bot before walking by without a word.

Jack was already hatching a plan, he just had to lose the bot by some stairs, then he could find another bathroom and get some _real_ privacy, he'd wait for everyone else to leave if he had to. It wouldn't be the first time.

Jack turned the corner, down a thankfully empty hallway, when it all came to a… "head". His steps were becoming labored as he tried not to show his need, his bladder sending out desperate pangs every other second. The loudmouthed claptrap was nothing but a quiet annoyance in the back of his mind by then, his need to pee so utterly all-consuming. He took a step and jolted, suddenly hit by the first sensation of pee trickling out and dampening his pants. "Nononono _nono **nonNONONO**_." He muttered to himself, his hands both flying to his crotch in an effort to stem the flow. For a tense half minute, it seemed as if this may have worked, before the flow started once more, but this time there was no stopping it, as the dam finally slowly burst.

Jack whimpered and stepped to hide behind a potted plant as his bladder finally gave out, his knees threatening to buckle. His stream started as a slow, and gut-wrenching trickle, before quickly achieving full-force, urine hissing against the fabric of his pants as his bladder forced every ounce it had been keeping locked up onto his clothes. It was mortifyingly _heavenly_ , relief coursing through his body as his bladder gave out in the middle of the hall. It sounded deafening in his ears, like a pressure hose inside his pants, and felt like it dragged on for an hour, a _half hour_ at the least, before he finally finished pissing himself. His bladder tingled disconcertingly when it was over, and the surprise and shock began to wear off.

" _Ohhhhhhhhh…….._ " came a small voice.

Jack glared at the claptrap unit, and it quaked under his intense stare.

"It... happens to the best of us?" It squeaked out.

"Make yourself useful and find me some pants." Jack hissed at it through his gritted teeth.

"YES SIR!" It yelped, before zooming down the hall and out of sight.

Jack sighed, his bladder still tingling in a weird way. Shame and humiliation _burned_ in his gut as his soaked pants already began to cool. It was hard to ignore it, the way the wet denim clung so tightly to his legs, his skin crawling at the sensation. He tentatively pulled at the fabric at his crotch, grimacing at how it squelched as it separated from his skin and then boxers, more urine dripping from his clothes onto the puddle on the floor.

A shiver ran up his spine when he let go of the soaked fabric, and it slapped back against himself. _What was taking that stupid robot so long?_ Jack wondered to himself.

He was out in the open, and was _mortified_ by the idea that anyone could walk by and see him like this, utterly _soaked_ and still standing in his own puddle in public. Sure he _could_ try to find somewhere to hide, but what if he got caught? Furthermore, if he left how was he supposed to get those pants? Sure, it would solve the issue of the annoying claptrap following him around, but it did _nothing_ to solve his current problem with wet clothes. A problem that, arguably, was a much bigger problem for him then.

His heart leapt into his throat as he heard someone approaching, several someones in fact, their voices echoing down the halls as they came nearer. Jack pressed himself to the wall as much as he physically could, willing himself to somehow go invisible. He could see his career, his path to power abruptly ending before his eyes as the nearing footsteps rang louder and louder in his ears. He would be the laughingstock of the station- no, the _entire company_ when it got out.

He closed his eyes and waited for his doom.

The footsteps got louder. _And louder_. _**Louder**_.

And then quieter, the group walking further away. Jack peered around the potted plant and caught a glimpse of everyone else walking down the other hallway, having not turned to go down his, like he assumed they would. He breathed a sigh of relief, by the skin of his heroic and handsome teeth, he'd escaped certain doom.

And then Tassiter showed up.

The office door not twenty feet from where Jack stood slid open, the lithe and severe manager stepping out into the hall, his nose buried in reports and proposals. Tassiter turned, not towards Jack, luckily, but away, stalking off the opposite direction.

Jack didn't even get a second for his heart to slide back from his throat where it had leapt at the arrival of his boss and rival, when the claptrap unit had returned.

The bot jetted past Tassiter and hopped excitedly in front of Jack, waving the article of clothing. "Greetings! I have procured the pants!" Shouted the small bot, triumphantly offering the clothing to Jack.

"Nonononono _nono_ ," Jack frantically whispered, trying to shoo the bot away as he hid behind the plants, pressing himself almost painfully hard against the wall.

Tassiter paused, and looked down the hallway, his eyes falling on the claptrap unit waving something around, hopping in place frantically as it pushed whatever it had to the plant, yelling something about pants. He shook his head, and mentally added 'have maintenance do another sweep for malfunctioning bots' to his to-do list before he continued to walk the other way.

Jack finally let out a sigh of relief, fixing his glare on the small bot before him. " _Give me that_ ," he snarled, snatching the clothing. "What the fuck is this?" Jack hissed, finally looking at them.

"Pants!" The bot helpfully explained.

Jack stared at the claptrap.

* * *

Jack seethed in annoyance as his apartment door shut behind him. He'd managed to email out an excuse and leave work early, though "leave" was a relative description, since he still had bug reports to address remotely from home. But it was worth it to leave the office.

He'd ended up discarding his soaked pants in some faceless maintenance worker's cart while they were away mopping up an innocuous blood spill. Not that he _cared_ about giving some lowly trash sweeper more grief and work, but he was positive they'd appreciate the extra bucket he'd left them as well.

It wasn't like that claptrap was good for much anything else by the time he'd finished with it.

He sighed and headed for his shower, eager to wash himself off. The showerhead roared to life, steam already filling the small bathroom as he peeled off his clothes. The emergency pants, neon purple booty shorts with "NASTY" written out in bright green sequins on the ass, was discarded in the trash. Normally he would incinerate any object or living thing that offended his senses so, but it had been a _long day_.


End file.
